Until You Look Forward to Criticism, Your Work is Not Done

» Posted by on Nov 5, 2013 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

We want to share a short but powerful article written by Jenny McCarthy, actor and co-host of “The View.” Referencing Byron Katie’s work, she speaks to one of the core principles of our Conscious Connecting workshops and coaching:  knowing ourselves as safe, loved and at peace, no matter what people say or what circumstances we face. McCarthy gives a beautiful perspective on what that can be like for someone in the public eye:

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“My favorite guru Byron Katie says, ‘Until you look forward to criticism, your work is not done.’

If you break that down, it means, “If something upsets you, then that is exactly what you need to work on spiritually.” After the amount of “beatings” I’ve endured in the media over the years, I thought I’d mastered this lesson. But it seems the universe was holding out on me. This week, a gossip website reported that I was losing my job based on info from an “inside source” at “The View.” I didn’t even know about the story until the higher-ups at work called me into a room to tell me the report was completely false. Barbara then asked me if I wanted her to make a public statement about it, because she was upset that it had ever happened.

This was the moment I had to reach inside my spiritual toolbox. I noticed my ego wanting her to do just that — to go on and defend me. Then I heard Byron Katie again: “The first act of war is defense.”

If I started defending lies, I would be in a constant state of defending myself — and the haters would win. I knew I had to focus on doing what I love and stop defending what doesn’t serve me.

Then, I moved on to the next spiritual step, which is always the hardest to master: finding the truth in something, even if it’s false. I ask myself, “What if it were true?” I imagine the worst-case scenario and play it out in my head. You know how it always ends?

It ends with me surviving.”

She doesn’t say it outright, but what we hear beyond her merely “surviving,” is her being at peace in the middle of the criticism storm — knowing that no matter what occurs around her job or her life, she knows who she really is as the truth of her being. She does what she loves. And if that goes away? She’ll still be who she Is. McCarthy has an obvious commitment to using everything that occurs in her life, especially those things that elicit reaction and upset within her, for her own spiritual growth and progress.

And just a couple weeks ago, another spiritual teacher to many, Marianne Williamson, put herself out there in a big way — she announced her bid for Congress. It’s said that it’s easy to be a guru when you’re sitting alone on the mountain top. And all three people (Katie; McCarthy; Williamson) are examples of the opposite:  those walking their truth in very public ways in a world that seems designed to attack and criticize.  

Are you ready to follow their example? You don’t need to put yourself more in the public eye; you can grow and thrive in this world by living your life just as you’ve been living it. You only need to notice when you are reacting:  whenever you get upset in any way, especially from others’ actions or comments. Use the criticism. Get interested in your own reactions and upsets, and use them as access into your next lesson of experiencing wholeness and peace. Ask yourself what you believe is flawed within you that you feel the need to justify and defend. Consider that wherever you are reacting — in fear, hurt, anger, sadness — it is simply the next opportunity to explore what belief within you doesn’t remember the Truth of your being. And, when you are really triggered, have an objective third-party help you listen for what you have yet to make peace with within you (rather than listening for what another person “should have said” or done, etc., which will just keep you trapped in your defenses).

Paraphrasing Byron Katie, it’s not about avoiding criticism, it’s about never losing sight of who you truly Are. And even using the criticism to expand your sense of Self and peace.

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